She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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