it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
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