I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They have beer where we have blood.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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