matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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