angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
