she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
