it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
