Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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