So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He passed out mid-signature
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
