yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
