i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
