drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
