Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
