The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
