i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
