I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
