You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found puke in my bra..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
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the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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