david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
