Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
