I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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