Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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