Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
