The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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