Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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