There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
