I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
