My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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