You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
