"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
