I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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