I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
