So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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