separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize