do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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