i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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