I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
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my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Randomize