My room smells like vodka and shame
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's Friday. Sex?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
