i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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