Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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