ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
