Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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