chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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