Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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