so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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