is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
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He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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