I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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