I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
