I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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