What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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