I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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