MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
