Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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