youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
