I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
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I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
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I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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