Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
