R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
