thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
