you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
