I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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