Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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