I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
