Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
