Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
